You’ve Never Been Afraid of Falling. Just of Being Caught.

Hey friend,

There’s something you need to know—something most people will spend a lifetime avoiding.

Love is your greatest fear.

Not death. Not failure. Not rejection. Love.

This is the fear running everything beneath the surface of your life. It’s your neighbor’s fear. Your child’s fear. Your ancestor’s fear. Your partner’s fear. And it’s your fear too.

This is the real game you came here to play—not to build the next great company, raise a perfect family, find success, travel the world, or even "heal." No. Those are distractions. Decoys. Side quests.

The real puzzle—the sacred puzzle—is this:

How do I stop being afraid of love?

You don’t believe me? Let’s test it.

I love you.

Feel what happened just now. What thoughts came in?

You don’t even know me. This is a gimmick. It’s meaningless. This doesn’t count. It’s not real.

Your mind likely deflected it, mistrusted it, or dismissed it entirely. You didn’t let it in.

Why? Because love, in its pure form, terrifies you.

You’ve made it conditional. Performative. Earned. Logical. Justifiable. Wrapped in story and sacrifice and time. You’ve constructed elaborate gates and hoops for love to pass through—proof it must provide before you’ll allow it entry.

But love isn’t complicated. It doesn’t come with a contract. It doesn’t bargain. It doesn’t demand a timeline. It doesn’t need a reason.

It just is.

And yet, the moment it appears, your fear machinery kicks in and starts converting it—transmuting love into fear.

You do this with everything that has the potential to expand you:

  • That dream you won’t pursue
  • That apology you won’t give
  • That person you won’t approach
  • That break you won’t take
  • That peace you won’t allow

You are afraid of joy. Of peace. Of rest. Of receiving.

Every trauma, every conflict, every ounce of suffering you carry—beneath it is this one great fear: to receive love without condition.

So what’s the solution?

It’s not another lover, another dollar, another job, another supplement, another achievement.

The solution is this: allow love in.

But here’s the paradox.

You can’t allow love in if you’re moving a hundred miles an hour. Love requires slowness. Stillness. Silence. Spaciousness.

And so, the first step is painfully simple:

Stop.

That’s it. Stop.

Stop hustling.
Stop proving.
Stop performing.
Stop perfecting.
Stop striving.
Stop managing perception.
Stop racing the clock.
Stop crowding your calendar.
Stop making fear your God.

Turn your life into molasses.

Why? Because only in the stillness will you hear the lies.

When you slow down, you’ll start to notice the whispers:

Lazy. Useless. Behind. Broken. Unlovable. You’ll never make it. You’re a joke. What has become of you?

Those whispers are the barricade. They are the resistance that’s been hiding your fear of love all along.

And you can’t confront them at bullet speed.

You must slow to a crawl to even notice how violent your mind has been. To witness how deeply you’ve feared being held. How completely you’ve rejected your own tenderness.

Because the truth is: you are already the carrot. There is nothing out there to chase.

Love isn’t waiting at the finish line.

Love is trying to enter right now.

But you must stop long enough to hear the knock.

With love,
Tony

P.S. If this message resonated with you, here are a few ways to walk this path beside me:

  • 🕊️ Join the Fear to Love Fellowship
    A free weekly gathering where we blend A Course in Miracles and 12-step-style truth-telling. We meet every Wednesday at 6:30 PM PT to share, witness, and undo fear together. No need to speak—just come listen.
    👉 Register here​​
  • 🏢 Bring me into your business
    If you’re in the corporate world, I teach leaders and teams how to negotiate, influence, and connect—not through fear, but through love. Magnetic communication. Conscious commerce. Co-creation over conquest.
    👉 Explore my work​
  • 🌄 Join the Topanga Retreat waitlist
    This January, I’ll be hosting a 3-day, 2-night immersive retreat in Topanga Canyon. Cold plunges, warm fires, deep truth-telling, sacred silence, and a return to who you were before the world got its hands on you.
    👉 Join the waitlist​
  • 🎭 Not Enough Live — Next Chapter
    We held our Not Enough Live workshop last week at the Electric Lodge Theater in Venice — and it was nothing short of transformative. I truly believe it’s some of the most inspired, honest, and healing work I’ve ever had the privilege of putting into the world. We’ll be returning live at the end of November or early December (exact date coming soon), and tickets will go on sale shortly.

The Ethical Conman (Who Gave Up the Game)

Real-world insights for moving from fear to love in business, relationships, and self-worth. Wisdom from a recovering persuasion expert learning to live, lead, and negotiate with truth.